


Seeking Happiness

by HarryLouis16



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Breakup, Cheating, Crying, Google - Freeform, I suck at tagging, M/M, Porn, Soccer Aid, Unhappiness, Vibrators, YouTube, a mini panic attack, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 22:20:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7124560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarryLouis16/pseuds/HarryLouis16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis isn't happy. He misses his family and he miss the boys. He even misses Zayn. Being a father and a boyfriend should be enough, but it isn't. And he can't figure out what's missing. There’s this nagging feeling in his gut that he can’t figure out and trying to figure it out is slowly turning him crazy. And a bit depressed because right now he feels like he’s all alone in this world. </p><p>(Or the one when Louis goes home and Jay helps him connect the dots and pushes him in the right direction)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeking Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and I hope it's any good.
> 
> The fic doesn't have dialogue, I thought about it, started on it, but decided against it. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm hoping you'll read it anyway.
> 
> And I don't know the boys from One Direction and have no idea about their sexuality. This is pure fiction! With a little truth in there.

Louis isn't happy. He's got a son he loves more than life itself, but he isn't happy. He's got a girlfriend that he thinks he loves, but he still isn't happy. He doesn't feel like he's home in LA. He feels like something is missing. 

He's alone. Freddie is with his mother, Danielle is off shooting an episode of her show, Oli has gone back to the UK. He's all alone. He hasn't been alone in a very long time and it's hard, this house is far too big for one person and it's getting on his nerves. 

Being alone means Louis starts to think. Begins to think about everything that has happened to him since X-Factor in 2010. He's grateful, he's beyond grateful for the opportunity he got with four other boys. Louis loves his fans and he can’t imagine a life without this experience. But he's still not happy. He misses his family and he miss the boys. He even misses Zayn. Being a father and a boyfriend should be enough, but it isn't. And he can't figure out what's missing. There’s this nagging feeling in his gut that he can’t figure out and trying to figure it out is slowly turning him crazy. And a bit depressed because right now he feels like he’s all alone in this world. 

While lying on the sofa feeling sorry for himself, he makes a decision. This pity party has to stop, he needs to figure this out. Figure out this unhappiness and why he’s feeling like this. Louis needs his mum and decides he needs to go back home. He needs to see his mum and siblings. He needs to breathe in the English air, see the weather change, feel the rain. Basically he needs to feel something else than what he's feeling now. Hopefully he'll find it being home. 

He calls Briana, she understands and doesn’t ask to many questions. Thank God. Danielle isn't quite that understanding, she pours out hundred questions he isn't able to answer. She's wondering why he can't wait until she gets time off so they can go together, but Louis wants to go alone. He needs to go alone. In the end she gives up her interrogation, but demands that he text and calls her all the time. He sighs and in resignation he says he’ll do it. He knows he won’t do it as often as she would like, but back in his mind there is this voice that tells him he doesn’t care about what she thinks. 

He wonders where that voice came from, but pushes the thought away to go pack. 

He calls his mum to let her know he’s coming home. She's beyond happy and can't wait to get her boy home again. He smiles to himself and hangs up. 

On the ride to the airport he feels giddy, he has butterflies in his stomach and he can't contain his smile. He kinda feel a little ridiculous. He isn't sure why he's feeling like this going home, but at least he feels something. 

 

The plane touches down on Heathrow early in the morning and apparently the paparazzi has gotten the news of his homecoming. He doesn't know why he's so interesting. He sighs as he enters the arrival area wondering what story they will come up with. Probably that he and Danielle has broken up or Freddie isn’t his or Freddie is a doll or something else equally stupid. He gets his bags and goes out to a waiting car. God bless town cars! It's a three hour drive up to Doncaster and on the drive he catches up with some sleep. 

Three hours later Louis steps out of the car in front of his mum’s house. He stretches and takes a deep breath of crisp English air. He actually feels more alive standing there breathing in the air, than he has done in the last six months. 

The house looks empty. He did text his mum from the car. She did answer him so she should be home. He walks up to the door and tries the handle. If his mum isn't home, the door should be locked. It's open. Inside it's dark and he frowns. He walks further in and suddenly he's ambushed from every angle. God, it’s good to be home! 

 

An hour or so later Jay calls him into the kitchen. She asks him how he’s doing and why he suddenly came home. He tries to explain, but he doesn’t have a clear answer. How can he give her a clear answer when he doesn’t know himself? 

She asks about Freddie and Danielle. Asks if he’s happy. When he hesitates she comes around the table and pulls him into a hug. Louis sighs into her shoulder. She pulls back and takes his face between her hands, looks him in the eyes. She asks how long he’s been feeling like this. He starts talking, telling her he started feeling like this about six months ago and the feeling got worse when he found himself all alone in his huge LA house. He tells her he loves Freddie, can’t imagine a life without him. Tells her he thinks he loves Danielle, but that it doesn’t feel right. She doesn’t make him happy, not in the way people in love should be. Louis’ sure she loves him, but sometimes it feels like he just settled for the first girl who would put up with all the craziness that comes with dating a superstar. The more he thinks about it and the more he talks to his mum about it, he can’t come up with one good reason why he’s dating her. He likes her, sure, she’s fun to be with, good in bed and she’s good with Freddie. But still, it isn’t enough to make him happy. He takes a deep breath, looks at his mum and tells her he doesn’t love Danielle, never has. The realization hits him like a train. How could he have missed this? 

Jay pets him on the head, looks at him loving and understanding, tells him they should talk more tomorrow, it’s late. He just nods. 

Louis’ out cold the second he hits the pillow. 

 

The next morning, Louis doesn’t feel any better. Realizing he doesn’t love Danielle was a shocker. He takes a shower, hoping to clear his head. Realizing he isn’t in love with Danielle surely didn’t make him happy. It made him sad and extremely unhappy, almost depressed. 

He goes straight back to bed. Not wanting to answer questions from his prying siblings.

Sometimes later there is a knock on the door. Jay comes in with a cup of tea and some toast. Louis sits up against the headboard, his mum sits on the edge of the bed. She asks how he’s feeling. Louis tells her he feels bad for deceiving Danielle. She doesn’t say anything. 

 

Later while sitting on the porch in the back, Jay asks if he’s in touch with the other boys. It’s been a while since he heard from Liam, saying he’s probably busy travelling the world with Cheryl. He laughs thinking about Liam with Cheryl. They are a cute couple and he’s certain Liam had a huge crush on Cheryl while being in the X-Factor house. Liam denies it of course. He tells her about Niall and their little “feud” on Twitter about the charity football game. And that at this moment Niall’s probably somewhere in the world with a golf club in his hand. Crazy golfer. 

Louis hesitates when he starts to think about Harry. He hasn’t talked to him since they started their hiatus. He has a feeling he knows the reason. Tells her he hasn’t heard from Harry in a long time. She frowns at that. 

Harry started to pull away from the others during their last tour. And when the hiatus started Harry didn’t speak much to Louis. That hurt, but he didn’t push him, didn’t ask what was wrong, didn’t do a thing. Sitting there thinking back, he regrets it. He should have asked what was wrong. But in his defense he was in a new relationship and he was going to be a dad. He had a lot on his mind and back then, Harry didn’t fit in his head. He didn’t have room in his life for him. Thinking about it now makes him cringe. He neglected one of his best friends. 

What he knows about Harry now is what he reads on Twitter and what he catches from others. Harry’s cut his hair and he’s filming a movie. That’s all he knows. And that he changed management team and apparently had a fling with Kendall Jenner during New Year. 

Thinking about how close they once were and how far away they are now, is an unsettling feeling. Jay asks if he’s ok. He hasn’t said anything in while. He doesn’t know why he says it, but he tells her Harry told him he was in love with him once. It was just over a year ago and after that Harry started to pull away from him and the other boys. 

Jay is quiet for a long time. Then she asks what he did after Harry told him. Louis tells her he doesn’t actually remembers. He remembers Harry telling him, how bright and hopeful he looked. He remembers how scared he got. But after that? Nothing. He’s blank. Wow. 

Even though she knows the answer, she asks him how long he’s been feeling unhappy. He says about six months. Then she asks how long it is since he last saw Harry in person. About six months.

Oh.

Louis stares at his mum, his mouth is wide open. His mind goes a hundred miles an hour. Has he been unhappy because he hasn’t spoken to or seen Harry in six months? No fucking way! The thought of that being true hits him hard. He gets up and starts to wander the garden. What does this mean? He keeps looking at Jay who looks like this information isn’t surprising to her. 

He asks why she isn’t surprised. She tells him she isn’t going to sugar code what she thinks and that he might not like it. He just nods, encouraging her to continue. She tells him he always looked happy being with Harry, that he didn’t look happy when they were apart. She tells him she knows nothing happened between them, that Larry was just a bromance, but they both looked immensely happy when they were together. It didn’t matter what they did, promotion, interviews, touring or just being together, being able to talk, touch and see each other, that’s what made him happy. And she bets that’s what made Harry happy too. Until Harry told Louis he loved him. She tells him she could see the change in Harry, see the change in their relationship, but didn’t ask either of them what has happened, thinking it wasn’t her business. 

He just looks at her. 

Louis’ not gay. He doesn’t love Harry. He isn’t in love with Harry. How can he be that when he’s got a girlfriend? A son? He likes women for crying out loud!! He tells her as much. She just looks at him with so much love and understanding it almost chokes him. He starts to walk again, faster. His mind is spinning, thinking back on the day Harry told him, wringing his mind trying to figure out what his reaction was. He’s blank. It’s like someone went into his brain and erased it. He starts to jog, heart and mind racing. Suddenly Louis runs through the gate and runs down the street. Jay calls after him, but he just runs and all he can see is Harry. All Louis can hear is Harry. 

Louis collapses at a run-down playground. He sinks down on the sand, gasping for air. He hasn’t noticed, but tears are running down his face and he tries to scream, but not a sound is coming out. His heart is beating so hard, he has trouble getting air down into his lungs. He thinks he’s going to die. He closes his eyes, trying to get his breathing under control. Suddenly he’s sure he can feel the presence of Harry, hear his voice trying to calm him down, trying to help him get his breathing under control. Harry was always good like that back in the beginning, calming Louis down. He concentrates on the voice he hears and his breathing calms down. When he opens his eyes, he’s alone. He wipes his tears and sits up. He thinks he might be going crazy. 

Louis gets up and stars to walk back home. He’s shaky, walks like he’s drunk. His mind still goes back to the day Harry told him and he still can’t figure out what he did. He comes to the conclusion that what he did, no matter what it was, might have been the reason Harry started to pull away. Why can’t he remember what he did? Was it so horrible that his mind erased it? He has a horrible feeling he broke Harry’s heart that day and kept breaking it days, weeks and months after, maybe years. 

How could he have been so stupid for so long? Why didn’t he see what he was doing to the poor boy? He needs answers, he needs to speak to Harry. Needs to see him. Needs to know what he did. 

 

When he gets back to the house Jay gives him a huge hug and asks how he feels. Louis says he’s a bit confused and that he really, really wants to talk to Harry. Tells her he thinks he broke Harry’s heart and that he has to try to undo it, hoping it’s not too late. Hoping Harry can understand and forgive him. Louis’ going to try and contact Harry right away, hoping he’s not too busy. 

Harry doesn’t answer his text. Harry doesn’t answer his phone. Fuck! Where is he? Is he in France with the movie crew? Is he home in London, home in Holmes Chapel? Is he in LA? Where the fuck is he? 

He won’t call Anne or Gemma. Doesn’t have the guts to do it. He can be a bit of a coward at times. 

He gets out his phone. Who out there knows where Harry is? Who can he contact that wouldn’t start asking questions? Louis goes on Twitter. He finds an update page about himself. He scrolls down and sees tons of pictures of him out and about with Freddie, Danielle, Oli, his bodyguard and other people. He looks at himself. If he wasn’t the person in these photos, he would have come to the conclusion that this person is not happy. Louis looks miserable! 

He scrolls further down and suddenly there’s a couple of old pictures of him and Harry. In some pictures he looks at Harry and he can see that this Louis, this Louis was happy. In others Harry is looking at him and he sees it. Sees the love and fondness that beams out of Harry. He curses to himself, beating himself up for being so fucking blind!

The more he looks at the pictures, the more his heart starts to beat harder and suddenly it hits him. He has feelings for Harry! At least he thinks he has. Because looking at Harry in these old pictures, gives him a tingly feeling he hasn’t felt in a long time. Thinking more about it makes him realize that the last time he felt something like this was when he was with Harry. Before Harry started to pull away. Before Harry told him how he felt. Before, when they were close and everybody thought they were together. 

Louis scrolls further down, looking for more pictures, but there are too many of him with Danielle. He needs more pictures of Harry. He searches for an update page for Harry, clicks on the first one and then he stops breathing. Staring back at him from the screen is Harry. In black and white. With short hair. He looks beautiful. Oh my god. He looks stunning and he can feel his eyes tearing up. 

He broke that boy. That beautiful, loving, caring and all together a wonderful boy. He ruined their friendship. He ruined everything. 

Tears are now running freely down his cheeks. He could’ve been together with this beautiful boy if it wasn’t for him being a huge twat! God, if he could he would’ve kicked his own ass! 

And still he can’t remember what he did. He knows he did something wrong, he’s certain of that. 

Cursing to himself he wipes away the tears and stars scrolling down. Ok, it appears that they have started filming the movie. That means Harry is in France. 

Louis sends him a new text almost pleading him to at least respond. If he wants to tell Louis to fuck off, he can do it, but he needs to talk to him. 

 

Three hours passes by without a word from Harry. Then he gets a text asking what he wants. You, he immediately thinks. Wow. He laughs nervously to himself. What was that? He writes that he wants to see him, needs to talk to him about something. Asks if he can call.

Harry just answers with an ‘ok’. 

Louis’ sweating and he is nervous as hell. What’s he going to tell him? 

He dials Harry’s number before he can chicken out. Luckily Harry answers right away. 

Hearing Harry’s voice again after so long sends shivers down his spine and his heart rate picks up drastically. 

Louis asks him how’s he doing and says he’s sorry he haven’t kept in touch. He can sense that Harry is holding back, sense that he isn’t sure what Louis wants. 

Harry tells him he’s ok and exciting for the movie. 

They talk a bit about the movie, Harry telling him it’s not a huge role, he’s not the main character, but happy to try out acting. Louis is excited for him and tells him as much. 

He begins to tell Harry why he called. Tells him something is bothering him and that he wants to see him. Asks if he has time off soon so they could meet up. If he wants to that is. 

Harry tells him he has some days off soon and that they could meet up in London at his apartment. 

This gets Louis excited and he bounces around his room while they wrap up the call with Harry asking about Freddie. Neither of them mentions Danielle. 

When the call ends they have decided that Louis would come down to London on Saturday. In two days. 

 

Two days is a bloody long time! Louis is stressed out, annoying everyone in his family with his restlessness. Everyone’s shouting at him to stop fiddling with everything. It’s just Lottie and Fizzy, and Jay and Dan, that knows what’s going on and they are happy for him. They have always loved Harry and found it weird when they stopped being glued to each other. They all tell him Harry will forgive him and that they are pretty sure he still loves him. He hopes and prays they are right. He himself isn’t quite so sure on the last part. 

 

On Friday night he gets a short text from Harry saying he looks forward to seeing him and wishes him a good night and a safe trip. Louis’ nerves hits the roof and he chain smokes like a madman until his mum takes his pack away and actually demands him to go to bed. He laughs at himself while going up the stairs. Here he is, a 24-year old man, a father, getting told by his mum to go to bed. 

He can sense that he won’t be able to get some sleep, he’s too nervous, too hyper and too excited. And terrified. Very terrified. 

While getting into bed his phone rings. It’s Danielle. He’s been ignoring her a bit, not texted and called like he said he would. Has answered her texts with short messages and simply been a horrible boyfriend. Louis feels bad, but can anyone blame him? He’s gotten his whole life turned upside down. In a way. He’s been living for over 24 years as a straight man. And discovering that that might not be the case, is a bit overwhelming so therefor it’s quite understanding that he’s been neglecting his girlfriend. He can’t tell her that though while she yells and screams at him on the phone for ignoring her. Louis apologizes and tries his best not to lie, but he does. Tells her some fib about sick children and busy days. She buys it and it makes him sick that he lied to her, but he can’t and won’t break up with her over the phone. He knows he will break her heart too, but he has to do it. He can’t continue lying to himself, he’s done it long enough. 

Since the charity football game is around the corner, they decide that she will fly over to attend it. He will break up with her after the game. 

She sounds so happy to see him that it makes him feel even more sick. Lying in bed listening to her talking about them and their future and how excited she is for the game and to fly over and to see him again, makes him feel like the most horrible person ever. Louis can’t take it anymore and tells her it’s late and that he’s knackered. So they end the call. 

 

He gets a restless night so when the alarm goes off at 6 am, he’s so tired he’s pissing sitting down so he can keep his eyes still closed. He stumbles into the cabinet and takes a cold shower. He feels a little more awake afterwards, but now he needs coffee. A lot of coffee. 

No one is awake this early since it’s a Saturday so he grabs the car keys and drives to the nearest Starbucks before heading towards London. 

One the drive down he goes through all kind of scenarios. From Harry throwing himself at him to Harry throwing him out and tells him to fuck off. He hopes with all his heart it won’t be the last one. He hopes it will be something like the first scenario, but less intense.

Considering he saw himself as straight just a week ago, it would be a bit overwhelming if Harry would throw himself at him, suck his face off and trying to get into his pants. 

The thought of kissing Harry isn’t a scary thought, but going further than that is kinda frightening. He doesn’t think that would happen, he can’t let that happen. Not yet. Not while he’s still in a relationship with Danielle. If Harry is willing to give this a go, he’s hoping he’s willing to wait until Louis has ended things with Danielle. 

You would think that the thought of being with Harry, a guy, a man, would scare him, but it doesn’t. It’s calming him and he can feel he’s doing the right thing. The sex part, that’s what’s scary. 

He doesn’t know if Harry has ever done it with another man, but considering he’s in the closet and a bit famous, he knows he can’t go out and pull some random bloke. But he has gay friends, more than Louis, so who knows? Nick certainly has had his eyes on Harry from time to time. The thought of Nick touching and kissing Harry isn’t a pleasant thought so he pushes it away. He hopes he’s a virgin when it comes to men so they can be each other’s first. 

Louis knows he’s getting way ahead of himself now. For all he knows, Harry might be involved with someone else. He might even resent Louis for what he did and can’t forgive him. But the closer he comes to London, the more difficult it gets to not think about being with Harry. In all the ways that matter. 

 

Tuning into Harry’s street turns him into a nervous wreck. The calm he thought he felt earlier has vaporized into nothing and he feels like he’s going to throw up. 

If someone had told him just a week ago that he would be a nervous wreck just because he would be seeing Harry again, he would have laughed and called them ridiculous. But things changes. In a heartbeat. 

He parks the car and takes a look around, looking to see if there’s any paparazzi or other people around. The last thing he wants is for this visit to go public before he’s able to get inside Harry’s door. 

He pulls up his hoodie and gets out of the car. He jogs over the street and up the stairs and rings the bell. Although he’s nervous as hell, he wants to get inside quick before he’s spotted. 

Harry buzzes him in and push the button for the top floor. He’s been here once before, right after Harry bought the place and right before Harry told him how he felt. 

He’s so nervous and fiddles with the strings on his hoodie. This could go so wrong and that’s a terrifying thought.  
The ding the elevator makes when it hits Harry’s floor startles him and he fixes his fringe nervously. 

Harry’s at the door when he comes out and his heart and stomach flutters and do all kind of weird things when he sees him. Harry’s wearing a black t-shirt and loose sweatpants. And he looks gorgeous. 

Louis feels his smile getting bigger and suddenly he’s standing in front of Harry. Harry who he hasn’t seen in six months! Harry who has cut his hair. Harry who was in love with him. Harry who he’s now in love with. Damn it, he is! Standing in front of him, there is no doubt in his mind, he’s in love. Most likely he’s been for years, but because of his own stupidity he didn’t connect the dots. Until now. 

Harry gives him a small hello and shows him inside the apartment. Louis gives him a quiet hi back and walks in. 

There is clearly some tension between them that Louis finds unsettling. They have never been like this, unsure of each other and not knowing what to say. Not even after Harry told him there were this kind of tension. Or maybe there were? Louis can’t be sure since he apparently has been blind and deaf and just a complete moron throughout their whole friendship. 

Harry breaks through his thoughts asking if he wants some tea. Louis just nods before he goes and sits on the edge of the sofa. He can hear Harry rummaging in the kitchen and he takes a change to take this place in. It’s nice and spacious. It’s Harry. 

He tries to relax but the reason why he’s here is making it difficult. 

Harry comes out from the kitchen and hands him a cup. He takes a sip and compliments Harry for remembering how he takes his tea. 

Harry just smiles and says he’ll never forget it. 

Oh. Okay.

They sit in silence while sipping their tea until Harry asks why he’s there.

Louis puts his cup on the table and settles down on the sofa. He’s fiddling with his hand and if Harry can’t see how nervous he is, then he’s the blind one. He clears his throat and begins. 

Louis tells him how he’s been feeling this last six months, but because he’s never been alone, he didn’t think much about it. Until he found himself all alone in his too huge house. He tells him how his mum had made him understand why he felt the way he did and that he’s done some sort of soul searching. 

He looks up at Harry who’s just looking at him like he has thousands of questions. 

Louis shifts on the sofa, feeling Harry’s eyes on him before he asks Harry if he remembers the day he told him how he felt. Harry just nods. An unreadable expression falls over his face. 

Louis tells him that he remembers Harry telling him and how scared he got. Scared about losing Harry because he was his best friend. Scared because he wasn’t gay, or bi. Scared because this would change everything and they were good! They were on top of the world with their best friends. And Harry loving him romantically would ruin that. He thought. And in a way it did. 

Louis tells him as much. 

Harry gets up from where he was sitting in an armchair and he looks pissed off. He scoffs and goes to stand by the window. 

There’s a hardness to Harry’s voice when he starts to talk. Asking Louis how he dares come here and blame him for ruining their friendship. He had just told Louis the truth and if he couldn’t handle that, it wasn’t his fault. 

Louis’ heart fells when he hears the anger in Harry’s voice and he has to interrupt before Harry has a chance to continue. 

Louis tells him he’s sorry and that he doesn’t blame Harry, he blames himself. It wasn’t Harry loving him that ruined their friendship, it was Louis freaking out that was the cause. He says he’s sorry it took him so long to reach out to apologize. 

Harry’s appearance visible relaxes at that, but he’s still tense. 

Louis goes on and tells him that he knows he did something terrible afterwards, but that he can’t, for some strange reason, remember what it was. Hoping Harry could tell him. 

The tension in Harry is back and he looks at Louis with fire in his eyes. He starts to yell, asking him if he’s stupid. Asking him how the hell he could forget how he hurt him in the worst possible way he could. Yelling at him for turning his back at him when he needed him the most. Even though Louis could never love him the way he wanted, he still needed his best friend. But no, Louis couldn’t do that, apparently.

Louis just sits there and takes it. He deserves it, he’s the reason all of this happened. He broke Harry. And now he feels tears pressing on. 

He hasn’t taken the chance to look at Harry during his tirade, but he takes the chance and regrets it right away. Harry is crying. 

He gets up and tries to say his name, but Harry isn’t having it. He starts again by asking Louis if he really can’t remember what he did. Louis shakes his head while looking at the floor. 

Then Harry drops the bomb. He tells him that Louis went out with Oli, got shitfaced, met a girl and got her pregnant. 

Oh fuck! 

Louis just stares at him before he sinks down on the sofa and buries his face in his hands. Now he’s crying. No wonder Harry hates him! 

Oh God! He must be the biggest fucker this universe has ever seen. How could he have done that? Why did he do that? Did he get so scared that he had to prove to himself he wasn’t gay? Did he actually know deep down that he in fact was gay and that he was just protecting himself? He has no idea. He broke his best friend in a way that never can be fixed. 

Harry can never look at Freddie without remember the reason he’s in this world. 

Louis gets up and walks towards Harry, but Harry just walks passed him and goes to the armchair. Louis stays. He looks out of the window and wonders how the hell he can fix this to the better. If that’s possible. 

They are quiet for a long time until Harry asks him what the real reason for this visit is. Surely it can’t just be to find out what he did. 

Louis glances back to Harry and it hurts him to see this beautiful boy so hurt and broken. He deserves the truth.  
He’s going to lay it all out and he will take whatever Harry is giving him afterwards. Hate, love, whatever. Harry needs the truth. They both do. 

So he starts. Starts by telling him again how he’s been feeling unhappy and that something was missing. Tells him he isn’t in love with Danielle. About how coming home and having a talk with Jay changed it all. How he started to think about him and about that day. About how she connected the dots to his unhappiness with not seeing Harry. Tells him Jay told him they both looked so happy when they still were close. It didn’t matter what they did, as long as they were in each other’s life, they were happy. Tells him his mind started to race at that point and that he just took off running. Running until he couldn’t breathe, panic rising in his chest and that he collapsed at some playground. That he suddenly felt the presence of someone and how he started to hear a voice telling him to calm down, telling him to breathe. And while lying there, listening to this voice, he calmed down and got his breathing under control. 

He turns around to look at Harry. He’s just staring at him.

Louis tells him that the voice was his. It was Harry’s voice that calmed him down. 

Louis goes to sit down on the sofa. Determined to get through the rest. 

He goes on and tells Harry how terrible he felt when he realized he couldn’t remember what he did. He was certain it was something bad and that he was certain he broke Harry’s heart. And not remembering was bothering him so much he had to contact him. He felt he had to try and fix things. 

He goes on and tells him how he went on Twitter to find out where he was since he didn’t answer his phone. He was too scared to contact Anne or Gemma. 

Harry actually laughs at that. And that makes Louis relax more. 

Louis tells him how he first went on an update page about himself and all he could see was pictures of himself looking miserable. It didn’t matter who he was with, he looked downright miserable in every single photo. But then he came over some old pictures of them together and he could see it. Louis could see how happy he was and he could see how much Harry loved him. Tells him he kept staring at the pictures for a long time and that he suddenly had the urge to see more pictures of Harry. Tells him how he then went on an update page about Harry and how his breathing stopped when he saw the black and white picture of him with short hair. 

He looks gorgeous. Even with short hair. 

He thinks he can see Harry blushing. He smiles and hope is rising in his chest. This may go the right way. 

Louis continues, telling him how he stared at the picture and that he started to cry. He had just realized that he had broken that boy. And that he most likely kept on breaking his heart in the days, weeks, months and maybe years after. Completely oblivious about what he was doing to this beautiful, wonderful and loving boy. 

Harry is looking down at his hands while he’s fiddling with the hem of his shirt, a small smile is on his face. 

Louis has to keep going. He tells him he began to think more and more about their relationship before he fucked it up. How sorry he is for being a blind and deaf moron all these years and that he hopes he can forgive him for that. 

Harry just nods. 

Louis keeps going. He tells him about how it hit him like a ton of bricks when he realized he’s been lying to himself, that he never realized he actually had feelings for Harry. 

That gets Harry’s attention and he looks up. He looks shocked, and maybe hopeful. But that can just be Louis seeing things. It’s happened before. 

Louis continues and tells him he wasn’t certain, wasn’t certain at all. He was a straight man a week ago! He was, is, in a relationship with a woman! He’s got a son! He can’t have feelings for a man! 

Harry’s hopeful expression falls of his face.

Oh God. Louis has to get that expression back and that fast! 

He continues with telling him he thought a lot about everything, about his life, about Harry, about Freddie and Danielle. About if he’s gay or not. 

Louis tells him he’s done lying to himself and with his mum’s help and some soul searching he’d come to the conclusion that he is in fact gay. And because of that he’s going to break up with Danielle after the charity football game. 

Harry just stares at him. He hasn’t said anything in a long time, had let Louis talk. He then asks with a clearly shaken voice if he’s sure. 

Louis is sure. He’s more sure about that than anything else in this world. Except for one thing. 

Harry asks what the other thing is. 

Louis takes a deep breath, this is it. He can’t chicken out, not now. Not when he has Harry right in front of him looking so damn beautiful and if his eyes aren’t deceiving him, Harry looks hopeful and Harry looks like a kid on Christmas morning hoping to get what he’s wanted for years. 

Louis takes another deep breath and looks into Harry’s eyes. 

He tells him that when he got out of the elevator and stood in front of him, he just knew. Knew that he’s in love with him. 

Harry gasps. He keeps staring at Louis and if Louis isn’t mistaken, there’s a spark in Harry’s eyes that wasn’t there before. But he’s been misreading and misunderstanding Harry for so long, he can’t be trusted with anything when it comes to this boy. 

Harry’s voice is shaky when he again asks if he’s sure. 

Louis is sure. He tells him he hasn’t had much time to really think about it, but enough to be sure. 

He has one question for Harry that he has to ask, but he’s terrified for the answer. But he has to do it. Louis asks Harry if he’s still has feelings for him. 

Harry looks at him and takes his time answering. Louis’ nerves are all over the place. 

Finally, he answers with a clear yes. 

Louis visible deflates when he releases the breath he had held. A smile starts to creep over his face as he looks at Harry and feels a whole lot happier than he has felt these last six months. 

Harry smiles back at him. 

Louis starts to fiddle with the strings on his hoodie again when he nervously starts telling Harry he wants to be with him. If Harry is willing to give it a try, he would be so, so happy. He knows they have a lot to talk about and figure out, if Harry wants to be with him that is. Tells him he hopes Harry can forgive him for what he did. Tells him even though it was the wrong thing to do, he got Freddie out of it and he can’t regret his own son. He regrets his actions, but not the result of it. 

Harry just stares at him and then he just asks if he can kiss him.

Louis inhales sharply before he whispers a yes. 

Harry is over on the sofa and into his space before Louis can blink. 

Louis laughs nervously and looks down, too nervous to look Harry in the eyes. But when he looks up he gasps. Harry’s eyes are so green and so clear and full of emotions it takes his breath away. Harry puts Louis’ face between his hands and starts to caress it, strokes his thumbs under Louis’ eyes, over his cheekbones, calls him beautiful. 

Louis can’t think. Can’t breathe. He’s about to drown into a sea of green eyes and the feeling of Harry’s touch.  
He can see Harry’s eyes flicker down to his lips and automatically he licks them. 

Harry’s thumb is now stroking Louis’ lips, pushing them apart. Harry tells him he’s been dreaming about this for six years, dreaming of doing all kind of stuff with Louis. Tells him again how beautiful Louis is. 

Jesus fucking Christ! Louis is now certain he’s going to die. This is it. His life is over. 

Then without a warning Harry is kissing him. He kisses Louis softly and Louis’ heart is beating so hard he’s sure it’s about to beat out of his chest. The feeling of Harry’s lips against his own is all kind of wonderful and amazing and he think he can hear angels singing. Never has he felt this way kissing a girl. 

This is something else. This is love. 

He parts his lips for Harry and moves one hand to cradle Harry’s neck and Harry deepens the kiss chasing Louis’ tongue. Louis’ chasing right back and suddenly Louis is on his back with Harry on top and things are definitely heating up, fast. And the moans that’s coming from Harry is going straight to Louis’ crotch. Not to mention that it doesn’t help when one of Harry’s thighs are rubbing against it or the fact that he’s certain he can feel Harry getting hard.

Holy fuck, shit, fucking hell and all that. This can’t happen. Not now.

He pushes Harry away and Harry whines. Louis smiles up at him and tells him they have to take this slow. Harry pouts for a second before he dives back down and starts kissing him again. Louis pushes him away again and gets the same reaction. He tells him they have to stop kissing because he can’t trust himself that this wouldn’t go further than just kissing and he’s not about to cheat on Danielle more than he’s already doing. 

Harry gets off Louis and crosses his arms, just like a child not getting what he wants. 

Louis scooch closer and un-crosses Harry’s arms, taking them into his own hands. He looks him in the eyes when he tells him that there’s nothing more he wants than to keep on kissing Harry, being with Harry, touching him and, and having sex with him. 

Louis rushed out the last part. Still a bit terrified. 

That makes Harry blush and Louis himself feels he’s blushing too. 

But he has to break up with Danielle and the game is in only a week. 

Harry agrees, telling him he actually has to go back to France tomorrow to continue filming and that he doesn’t have days of until after next weekend. 

Perfect. It looks like it’s going to be a fucking long week! 

They both agree that the talk they need to have can wait until then and for now cuddling and little kisses is good enough. 

 

They are lying on the sofa, Louis on his back with Harry half laying on top of him with his head tucked under his chin. Louis is stroking Harry’s hair and they are about to drift of when both of their stomachs makes a growling sound. 

They both starts to laugh over the fact that their stomachs apparently are in sync. 

Harry looks up at Louis, he looks tired, but happy. He pushes himself up and gives Louis a soft kiss. They both hums contently and then their stomachs are at it again. They need food. 

They decide to order take away, not one of them wanting to leave the sofa. 

While waiting Louis takes out his phone and cringes when he sees all the notifications. The phone has been on silence so he hasn’t checked it because he’s been a little preoccupied getting a boyfriend, hopefully, while still having a girlfriend. No wonder he hasn’t had time to check it. That should make sense to everyone. 

His train of thoughts can sometimes be really stupid. He shivers as he starts to read through his messages. He’s gotten a few from his family who’s apparently about to die because they are left in the dark. They need to know, now! 

Louis opens a group chat with them and tells them everything is fine and that he probably will be spending the night at Harry’s place. But not in Harry’s bed, just to be clear on that. 

He hasn’t talked to Harry about spending the night, but presumes it’s ok. They aren’t going to do anything anyway.  
He quickly asks him if he wants him to stay the night, adds in a hurry that he can sleep on the sofa. Harry just scoffs telling him he will be sleeping in Harry’s bed with Harry. If he doesn’t mind. 

Louis doesn’t. So that’s that. 

The next is a string of messages and calls from Danielle. Fuck. 

He tells Harry he needs to call her and Harry just nods and starts to get up, but Louis holds him back, asks if he will stay. He does. 

Danielle picks up right away and starts to yell at him, asking him why he hasn’t picked up or answered her text. He tells her to calm down and that he’s in London visiting Harry. And that they got so caught up in all the memories that the time just flew away. 

It’s not a lie, they have been down memory lane. In a way.

Danielle doesn’t know how close he and Harry once were, but knows they haven’t been in touch. She points that out. Louis just tells her he started to think about him while talking to his mum about the boys and decided he wanted to reconnect. And they did. 

She tells Louis she doesn’t like it when he’s not answering and that she feels he’s somewhat changed after he went home. It hasn’t been that long since they saw each other, just a week, but he has changed. She can sense it in his texts and in his voice. He’s so distant. Louis says he’s sorry for ignoring her, but yes, he has changed. And he will explain it when she comes over. Something in her voice is telling Louis she knows it’s something that will effect their relationship, but she doesn’t push more on the subject. 

They talk about this and that until Harry’s doorbell rings. The food is here and he tells her as much. Louis also tells her he’s staying the night at Harry’s, it’s too late to drive all the way home to Doncaster. 

He’s trying to be as honest as he can with her, not wanting to dish up a huge lie that in the end most likely would come back and bite him in the ass. 

They say their goodbye as Harry comes back with the food. Louis hadn’t realized he’s gotten up. 

Harry doesn’t say anything while setting up the food. Things suddenly turned a bit awkward and Louis doesn’t like it one bit so he nudges Harry in the side. 

Louis asks if his ok. Harry says he’s fine, but Louis senses something is bothering him. 

Huh. Apparently turning gay and realize you’re in love with another man turns you from not being able to read the emotions and body language of said man to read said man completely. Who knew? 

Louis can see something’s bothering him and wants him to talk to him about whatever it is. 

Harry sighs and turns to look him in the eyes. He says he’s scared Louis suddenly will change is mind and that this was all just some sort of test. 

Louis is shocked. Or maybe he isn’t when he thinks more about it. He can understand were Harry’s coming from seeing Louis just talked to his girlfriend. And was straight a week ago. Louis has to try his best to convince Harry that this is for real. That he wants this. 

He reaches out to stroke Harry’s chin, tries his best to tell him how much he means to him, how much he cares for him, how much he wants him, how much he loves him without uttering a word, just by looking at him and touch him. Silently asking him to trust him. 

He counts himself successful when a smile develops on Harry’s face as he ducks down to try and hide his blushing cheeks. 

Louis cries out in celebration, making Harry crumble over in laughter. Harry’s laugh puts the widest grin on Louis’ face and happiness, pure happiness is seeping into every blood cell, every pore, every nerve, every muscle. It’s overflowing him and he jumps Harry and kisses him like his, their, life was depending on it. 

It takes Harry by surprise, but he recovers quickly and suddenly Louis’ straddling him and thoughts about food and girlfriend and not cheating are out the door. It’s just HarryHarryHarry. 

It’s Harry that stops and pushes him away this time. And its Louis that whines now. Just like a child not getting what he wants. 

Harry gestures to the table, the food has probably gone cold. Louis couldn’t care less, but he sits up and takes the offered food. Still with a little pout. God, he can’t wait until he can do whatever he wants to do to Harry without his conscience bothering him. Or Harry’s conscience.

They eat while talking about this and that and when they’re done they decides to go to bed. It’s late and they’re both knackered from the emotional rollercoaster they been through. 

 

Standing in the bathroom, side by side, brushing their teeth, Louis’ mind drifts back to when they were living together. They’d always brushed together, side by side, nudging each other and most times it ended messy with toothpaste and water all over the bathroom. For Louis it was just friendly fun, but realizes that it might have had a different meaning to Harry. He shivers when he thinks about how stupid he’s been.

Harry noticed the shiver and asks what’s wrong. 

Louis says it’s bothering him how stupid and blind he’s been and that he’s so incredible sorry for everything.  
Harry kiss him.

Louis takes that as a sign that he’s mostly forgiven. 

 

Although they’re really tired it’s seems like neither of them is willing to close their eyes. They’re lying in bed, faces just inches apart. Other body parts, like the hip area, is kept far apart. No funny business tonight! 

Their eyes are locked, fingers intertwined and placed over the covers for safety reasons. 

They don’t talk, just lies there, taking each other in. 

Louis has never ever felt this content and happy before and he starts to smile. Harry mirroring his smile with his own before kissing him softly on the lips and whispers a good night. 

 

Waking up in Harry’s bed are anything but confusing. Louis knows exactly where he is before he’s opening his eyes. He’s where he belongs. 

They have shifted during the night and Harry is now pressed against his back, an arm slung over his chest. Louis wiggles a little and maybe he shouldn’t have done that. His eyes bulge when he realizes it’s not Harry’s hipbone that’s poking his ass, it’s his cock. And suddenly Harry starts to rut his hips against Louis’ back and Louis freezes. 

Harry is either asleep not knowing what he’s doing, or Harry is awake and can’t help himself. Louis is too scared to move. 

Harry’s hip movements are getting faster and there’s little moans escaping his mouth. Louis is hard. It feels so good and he has to stifle his own moans. 

Suddenly reality hits him and Louis shoots out of bed and runs to the bathroom. He leans on the washbasin trying his hardest to calm down his heart and his dick. That was way too close. 

It’s not that he thinks it’s ok to kiss Harry while being in a relationship, but he’s come to the conclusion that kissing is innocent cheating. It’s cheating that can be forgiven. Sex, sex is not innocent cheating. And no one should be forgiven for having sex with someone else. 

God, this is a fucked up situation. 

Louis huffs out his frustration and gets into the shower. If he wanks to the thought of Harry rutting against his ass, no one has to know. 

Getting out of the shower he discovers his mistake. He’s only got one pair of briefs. Going commando is an alternative, but his pants are by the bed and in that bed lays one Harry Styles all hot and bothered. Or maybe he’s lying there satisfied cause he’s gotten himself off while Louis was in the shower. 

Louis’ cock gives a twitch. God damn it! He can’t walk out to Harry with a hard on and with just a towel wrapped around him. 

He calms himself down and walks out. Harry’s not there. 

Louis finds him in the kitchen. In just a pair of briefs. Seriously? Harry’s mission on this earth must be to drive Louis crazy from sexual frustration. 

He scowls at him even though Harry can’t see him. And then he whines loudly witch startles Harry who spins around fast and Louis’ eyes falls automatically to Harry’s crotch. He removes his eyes quickly, but apparently not quickly enough. 

Harry just snickers to himself as he turns around and continues cooking. 

This morning has taught Louis something. He hates Harry. Just a tiny, tiny bit. 

 

They eat breakfast in comfortable silence. Harry had cooked full English breakfast and it was delicious. 

Luckily Harry didn’t have to leave before 1 pm so they weren’t in a hurry. 

While sitting there, Louis’ mind started to drift to the almost slip-up earlier. He wondered how experienced Harry was in that department. Bu how do you ask someone that? And did Harry know what had happened this morning? 

Louis asks, really awkwardly, about this morning. 

Harry just laughs awkwardly. He woke up shortly before Louis ran to the bathroom and when he discovered what was going on, he couldn’t stop, it felt so good. And a stupid thought came to him. Why not give Louis a little preview of what’s coming? 

That fucking bastard! 

Harry says he’s sorry. That he shouldn’t have done it, but Louis’ ass felt so soft and good, he just couldn’t help himself. 

Louis drops his head on the table, bangs it a few times and groans before he calls Harry a fucking tease. 

While having his head down at the table he rushes out the question if Harry’s done it with another man. If he says yes, Louis knows he will be kinda disappointed. He wants to be Harry’s first so much. 

He says no. 

Louis head snaps up. He did actually think Harry was a little experienced in the men department, so he’s surprised. 

Harry tells him it’s not like he could go out to a club and pull some random bloke. Or another celebrity. Everyone has a camera these days so he didn’t risk it. He’s had offers from both unknown men and celebrity men, but as he said, he wouldn’t take the change of something leaking or being spotted. He wants to come out, but not via the tabloids. 

Louis grins like stupid, they will be each other’s first. He whispers that to Harry over the table and he can swear he can see Harry’s pupils dilates. And he bites his lip. And suddenly he looks a little bothered.

This is going to be such a fucking long week! 

 

On his way home Louis can’t stop thinking about Harry and what’s to come next week. He didn’t ask the other boy, but he’s certain Harry knows more about gay sex than he does considering Harry’s known about his sexuality for years. He need to do some research when he gets home. No way is he going into this totally green. 

He does actually know how men have sex. That’s not too hard to figure out on your own, but he feels like he needs to see it. 

Louis starts to thinks about what girls do to themselves, they finger themselves and they use vibrators and dildos. Do men finger themselves? They probably do. Do they use vibrators and dildos? Probably. 

Hm.

He knows he’s not going to walk into a sex shop and buy a vibrator. That’s so out of the question. But he can go into a drug store and buy lube. He can try and finger himself. 

Just the idea of what’s in store for him, on his own and with Harry, is slowly getting him hard. 

He’s got to try to think about something else. He can’t drive all the way to Doncaster with a hard on and he certainly will not wank while driving. He isn’t too keen to die just yet. He has Harry to devour first. 

 

Louis stops at a drug store just before heading into Doncaster. 

He sits in his car for a while, looking to see it there’s any young girls around. He just sees older people so he figures he’s safe. 

Walking in he keeps his head down. He has absolutely no idea where they keep the lube, but he figures they might be where they keep tampons, condoms and stuff like that. They do. He takes a small bottle and just as he’s about to turn around he spots some purple vibrators. 

Oh no… 

His whole body shivers from the sight. Should he? 

He looks around, he’s still alone in the store and the clerk is some lanky man with greasy hair. Should he take the chance? 

He does. 

 

Louis runs out the door and to his car and just as he’s about to open the door he hears his name. 

He spins around and hides the bag when he sees its two young girls. 

They are almost in tears and so jittery. They ask if they can take a picture and of course he says yes. He asks how they are doing and just chats with them for a minute. They thank him profoundly before running away screaming and jumping around. 

He sighs in relief and gets in the car. 

 

Louis barely makes it inside the door before he’s surrounded by girls, and a boy, who’s screaming about Harry and if he’s coming to visit any time soon and when will his movie come out and does he have a big part and how is he. 

Their mum comes to the rescue and tells them to let him breathe. 

He nods thankfully to her before heading to his room to hide the content from the bag. 

 

When he goes to bed he’s jittery and excited. He situates himself against the headboard and pulls out his laptop. The lube and vibrator are hidden under the covers.

Louis opens Google and types in “gay sex”. 

Oh my! He clicks the picture tab and starts clicking trough the pictures. Oh, Jesus. Some of these pictures are extremely hot and he’s hard in seconds. There are some GIF’s that’s getting him harder than he’s ever been and with his other hand he starts to stroke himself. His heart is beating fast as he clicks more. Some of the pictures are really cheesy, but mostly it’s just hot guys with huge cocks getting fucked. 

Somehow he ends up on a YouTube-video called “Gay Sex 101: Losing Your Gay Virginity”. He sees two more from the same Youtuber, “Top or Bottom” and “Painless Anal Sex”.

Louis finds them informative. But he has no idea about the topping and the bottoming regarding Harry. What does he want? Thinking about fucking Harry or be fucked by him, is an extremely exciting thought. He thinks he’s up for both ways actually. Hopefully Harry is too. 

Louis looks through some more pictures before googling “anal fingering”. He’s met with tons of women’s asses with different things stuck up their asses. He looks at some just to check his own reaction, there’s a tiny tingle, but not much. He puts “gay” in the front and are rewarded with men getting fingered. Some of the pictures looks painful, but he gets the main idea of how it works. But they get him a lot more tingly and excited than the pictures of women did. 

Louis closes the laptop figuring he’s got enough information about fingering himself and general info about gay sex. 

He lays down, feet stretched out, one hand on his belly, the other around his cock. He strokes slowly, God, he’s so fucking horny. He pulls up his feet and searches for the lube. 

He has no idea how much lube to put on, but squirts a good portion onto his fingers. 

He reaches down to his hole and just strokes it at first. It feels weird. He tries to relax as he pushes in a finger. It still feels weird, but somehow good. Louis starts to fuck his own finger slowly, pushes down his hips as he pushes his finger in. It’s starting to feel very good. 

Luckily his room is far away from the others. This can get loudly if he doesn’t put restrains on himself. 

He puts one more finger inside and he can feel the stretch and this time it hurts a little. But he finds that he actually likes the pain. He fucks himself, the pain quickly replaced with pleasure, completely neglecting his leaking cock that’s lying on his stomach. He cries out when his finger finds his spot. Fucking hell this is amazing! 

But he needs more, he needs to try the vibrator. The vibrator isn’t that wide, or long, so he thinks he’s opened himself enough for it not to be too painful. 

When the vibrator is coded in lube he decides the best position would be with him on his knees. He gets into position and reaches down to give his cock some attention. The touch almost makes him come. 

Louis pushes the vibrator in slowly, just the tip of it. It hurts. He takes it out and pushes in again, this time little more. He does this until it doen't hurt anymore and then he starts fucking himself relentless. It’s so good, so fucking good. 

Louis finds the buttons for the vibrations and press. Oh my fucking god! The vibration shoots through him and he moans and cries into his pillow, losing his hold on the vibrator and it slides out of him. He takes it and thrusts it back inside a couple of times. He presses the button again and the vibration increases and he comes like he’s never come before. 

He collapses down, all sweaty and panting. 

This was hands down the best orgasm he’s ever experienced! If it could be this good doing it to yourself, he could just imagine how good it would be with Harry.

And thinking about Harry puts a huge smile on his face. Only nine days left. 

 

During the next two days he fucks himself with the vibrator twice a day. He’s also starts sexting with Harry. It all started out very innocent, but when Louis told Harry he bought a vibrator, the texts went from innocents ‘I miss you’ too ‘I want to fuck you’. 

In between all this Louis got time to call Briana and check up on Freddie. He missed him so much! He also talked more to Danielle than he’s been doing. Most likely out of guilt. 

He was nervous about breaking up with her, but knew he had to do it. 

 

Wednesday come and Louis finds himself back in London to meet up with the all the players for the game. He’s profoundly honored and somewhat in disbelief knowing that in a couple of days he’ll be playing for England’s honor. This is going to be huge! 

He finds himself hugging Niall like crazy, both of them jumping up and down from excitement. They quickly find a quiet corner so they can talk privately. Niall tells Louis he thinks it’s hilarious that Liam is dating Cheryl. Who could foresee that back in 2010? They gossip some more about Liam and Cheryl, but Louis senses Niall hesitates to bring Harry up. 

When he does, he’s cautious and Louis can’t figure out why. Did he know about Harry’s feelings? Does he know how Louis broke him? 

Niall asks if he’s seen Harry, or heard from him. Of course Louis’ not going to lie, so he says yes. 

Niall’s eyebrows shoots up and Louis says he has some news for him and he has to be quiet, not drag anyone’s attention to them. 

So Louis tells Niall everything. From the beginning when he was unhappy and to the end where he’s planning on breaking up with Danielle so he can be with Harry. 

Niall has his eyebrows drawn together, a worried look on his face under Louis entire speech. He looks up at Louis when he’s finished and stares for a second before his face lights up and he draws Louis into a tight hug. Louis lets out a breath of relief. 

Niall is so happy for them and it was about bloody time! It was so hard for both him and Liam, and Zayn, to watch Harry pine after Louis, but Harry had instructed them to not tell Louis. And the day Harry decided he was going to tell him, he was a bundle of nerves.

Louis cringes hearing this. He tells Niall he’s so sorry for being a gigantic prick. Niall just pats him on the cheek, says it’s ok because he got his shit together in the end. 

Louis loves Niall. 

 

The other guys are great. And the banter between Niall and him are fueled by all the questions they get about it. Both afraid the other one is going to win the game and gain bragging rights for the rest of their life. Louis so wants his team to win! He can’t live the rest of his life with Niall always bringing it up. No fucking way! England has to win over Rest of The World!

The training isn’t that hard, but considering Louis hasn’t done any exercise in a year, he feels it when the training is done. He’s so out of shape it’s ridiculous. 

 

Suddenly it’s Saturday, the team has moved up to Manchester and it’s the day Danielle is arriving. Louis is nervous as hell when he greets her at their hotel. He kisses her quickly on the lips before guiding her towards the elevator.  
The ride up is quiet and he’s not sure how he’s going to survive this. 

Danielle settles in and he excuses himself telling her he’s got stuff to do with the team. She just nods and he walks out the door. 

 

Coming back later he finds Danielle sleeping in the bed. He sighs in relief. The quilt rises when he feels happy he doesn’t have to talk to her. He swallows the lump that’s about to develop in his throat and goes to take a shower. 

When he comes out from the bathroom, Danielle is sitting up against the headboard. 

Fuck.

She smiles and pats the bed by her side. He walks over and sits down. 

He coughs nervously into his fist. Has absolutely no idea what to say. 

They sit there in silence for a while until Danielle breaks it by asking what’s wrong. 

Is it that obvious? Maybe it’s wrong to wait until the game is over to break up? Is that deceiving her more? 

Louis drags his hand through his hair and sighs. Looks up at the ceiling and tries to get his breathing and heartbeat under control. 

Then he just does it. He breaks up with her. 

Danielle looks at him in disbelief. And then she jumps out of the bed and starts yelling.

He takes it all. He’s got no choice. 

She can’t believe he could do this. She starts to plea, begs him to not break up with her. Louis’ heart aches when she starts to cry. He can’t say anything that will ease Danielle’s pain. 

Through her sobs she asks if there’s anyone else. 

He nods. He quickly adds that it came out of the blue and made him rethink a lot in his life. 

Danielle is quiet. There’s a coldness to her voice when she asks if he cheated on her. 

Oooh.

Louis say he just kissed this other person. He wouldn’t allow it to go any further. When she doesn’t say anything, he continues and tells her he’s done some kind of soul searching and he found what he’s been looking for his whole life in this person. He didn’t know he lacked anything, he did genuinely believe he had it all figured out. Until this person came back into his life and everything got turned upside down. 

Danielle’s head snaps up and her eyes widens. 

Oh shit. She figured it out. 

She opens her mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. She starts to wander around the room. She stops abruptly and all that comes out of her mouth his ‘Harry’. 

Louis looks down onto his lap, feeling guilty. 

He isn’t sure how much of this she’s willing to hear, but she deserves an explanation so he starts telling her about how this came about. From X-Factor too today. 

When he’s done she’s sitting on the bed, facing him and with his hands in hers. He feels more upset than she looks and he asks if she’s upset. 

She says no. She’s glad he told her the truth, it would be worse if she suddenly would’ve read about it on Twitter or in the tabloids. She ensures him his secret his safe with her, she’s not going to out either of them. Of course she’s upset about the breakup, but she could see it in Louis’ eyes when he was talking about Harry, she could see he loved him. And she’s not going to get in the way of true love. 

Louis sighs in relief, glad she’s not going to run straight to the press. 

It’s getting late and he’s got a game to win tomorrow. All these emotions have drained him and he feels sleep creeping in. 

Danielle looks like he feels so they decide to go to bed. Although they’re not together any more, they sleep in the same bed. The whole breakup-thing went so much better than he could hope for. And hopefully Danielle won’t change her mind and go to the press. 

While she’s in the bathroom, Louis sends a text to Harry telling him he’s single. Adding an emoji with a huge grin on. 

He feels sad about the breakup, but he’s extremely happy thinking about the adventure he’s about to embark on together with Harry. 

Harry sends him a text back where it just says ‘Not for long’ and a wink-emoji. 

Louis falls asleep with a heart beating hard and a huge grin on his face. 

 

Game day. Even though last night was a tough night, Louis wakes up and feels more relaxed than ever before. He stretches and rubs the sleep from his eyes. 

He turns his head and instead of Danielle he finds a note. He sits up and takes the note. It says she went home. She’s happy for him, but it turned out it became too hard for her to stay.

Louis lays back onto his pillows. He’s happy and sad at the same time. He feels selfish for feeling happy he doesn’t have to face her today. He feels sad he had to break her heart. 

But there was no other way.

 

He meets up with the other guys later. Louis takes Niall aside and tells him what happened last night. Niall hugs him really hard and tells him he made the right decision. He knows he did, but he still feels bad. 

Both team rides in their respective busses to the stadium and with the banter and jokes going around with his team mates, Louis is able to push any negative thoughts away. 

Arriving at the stadium, he’s in a much better mood and can’t wait to get out on the field and crush Niall’s team. 

They have some interviews to do, fan meetings and other charity stuff before the game and all through that, his thoughts never goes to Danielle. It goes to Harry. 

He gets a text from Harry later wishing him good luck and to kick Niall’s ass. He feels warm all over and wishes it was Tuesday. 

 

The stadium is packed. Louis is so excited about this. They better win! 

They do. They win 3 – 2 and he can rub it in Niall’s face for the rest of their lives! God, he wishes Harry was there to celebrate with him. 

That night both team has a celebration dinner and he gets pissed. 

 

When Louis wakes up on Monday his head hurts like hell and he’s sore all over the place. He groans into his pillow and fumbles for his phone to check the time. He discovers he’s got multiple notifications from a lot of people. Also Harry. He checks those first and groans in embarrassment when he discovers the content of the texts he had sent. It’s filthy. Louis didn’t know he had it in him to be so filthy.

Luckily Harry had just responded with laughter and told him, multiple times, that Louis needed to go to bed. 

He sends Harry a text saying he’s so sorry, he’s embarrassed and he’s blaming winning and alcohol. 

Harry answers right away, says it’s alright and that the texts gave him some inspirations about what he wants to do to Louis. 

Holy fuck! He’s going to have sex with Harry tomorrow!

And the thought of Harry getting inspiration from what he wrote, and maybe got himself off with those thoughts, makes Louis’ cock stir in interest. And suddenly Louis feels hot all over the place. He palms himself through his briefs and moans from the sensation. He quickly discards them and starts to wank like a madman. He comes embarrassingly fast. 

He knows they said they were going to take it slow, but he just knows that neither of them is going to take it very slow. Not when he thinks back to their first kiss and how fast things could have developed if it wasn’t for his conscience. This time Louis’ free do to whatever he wants. 

He gets up and takes a shower. He decides to keep the room for one more night seeing he’s going down to London tomorrow and he just doesn’t bother travel from Manchester to Doncaster and then to London. 

His family came over from Doncaster for the game yesterday and Jay knows what kind of plans he has. She even brought him some clothes and a car to drive down in. And told him to be careful and to be good to Harry, treat him well. 

That made him blush like crazy. She just snickered and got into her own car. 

 

Louis wakes up really early. It’s 5.30 pm and Harry comes to London in just a couple of hours. It’s a four hour drive so he gets up. 

 

He stops at a Starbucks on the outskirts of London. Harry is now in London and Louis’ nerves are through the roof. He sits on a bench just outside the coffee shop smoking while sipping his coffee, his feet bouncing up and down. Some schoolgirls walks past him, but neither of them approach him. He’s not in any kind of disguise, quiet recognizable, but he guesses the terrified look he has on his face and bouncy appearance scares them off. 

He finishes his coffee and throws the cup in the trash. A small part of him wants to get into the car and drive straight home to Doncaster. He’s so terrified his whole body shakes and he’s about to throw up. But he can’t turn around, he can’t turn his back on Harry. Not again. And he wants this, he does, but that doesn’t mean he can’t get scared out of his mind. 

He huffs and starts the last drive to Harry’s place. 

 

Turning into Harry’s street is stressful as hell. He’s been blasting music and singing along to all kind of music trying to calm his nerves this last stretch, but now they are back with full force. 

It reminds him of last time he was here, but the nerves are different. 

He finds a spot and parks the car. He does what he did last time, checks to see if he sees any young girls or paparazzi’s. The street is abandoned. He pulls his beanie down on his head, puts sunglasses on, grabs his bag and gets out of the car. He sprints over to Harry’s door and rings the bell. He gets buzzed in right away. 

Harry’s is standing by the elevator when it arrives and it takes Louis’ breath away to see him again. Harry’s got this stupid grin on his face when he draws Louis in for a bruising kiss. Louis opens his mouth without a second thought.

They pull apart and Louis is a little out of breath. Wow, that was one hell of a greeting. Harry still got this stupid grin on his face, but is clearly a little flustered. Louis just smiles and they say their hello’s. 

Harry guides Louis towards his apartment with a hand low on Louis’ back. He can feel the heat seep through his shirt. 

Harry tells him he cooked lunch/dinner as they walk into the kitchen. 

Louis has to stop and take in the scene in front of him. The table is set up nicely with candles and napkins. And a bottle of red wine. 

Thank god! He needs a drink to calm his nerves. 

Harry talks about nothing and everything while checking the food. Louis can sense he’s nervous too so he pours wine into their glasses and hands one over to Harry. He accepts with a smile. 

Louis is curious to what Harry’s cooking so he tries to take a sneak peak, but Harry just swats him away tells him to sit down, it’s ready in a sec. 

When Harry puts the food on the table, Louis can’t keep a surprised laugh from escaping. That twat has made chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in Parma ham with a side of homemade mash. That’s his dish!

Harry just smiles shyly and Louis goes around the table, kisses him and whispers a soft ‘thank you’. 

While eating the conversation flows easy as they talk about both families and the other boys. Louis tells Harry he told Niall and hopes he doesn’t mind. Harry doesn’t.

Towards the end, Louis senses Harry’s nervous. He reaches out to take his hand, silently asking what’s wrong. 

Harry sighs before he looks up. He tells Louis he can’t continue being in the closet, he wants to be able to walk down the street holding Louis’ hand, he wants to be able to kiss Louis in the middle of the street. He wants the whole world to know.

Crap. Louis hasn’t thought about coming out. Hasn’t crossed his mind at all. It’s not like he wants this to be a secret, to stay in the closet, but it just hasn’t crossed his mind. He’s silence for a minute, but fucking hell, he wants to show the whole world Harry is his! So yes, he too wants to come out. Screw the people who will try and stand in their way.

This makes Harry smile like a madman and he almost crawls over the table to kiss him. 

 

After cleaning up they move over to the sofa, a stupid grin plastered on both their faces, both visible nervous.  
They start to kiss slowly and unsure, but it quickens up fast. And it feels like they done this for years, they just fit. 

Harry moves to straddle Louis. Louis’ hands are all over Harry’s back and Harry rubs his crotch against Louis’ and they both moan from the friction their cocks get.

Louis starts to remove Harry’s shirt, Harry quickly understands what Louis has in mind and helps out. 

Louis can’t do much when the shirt is gone than to stare at Harry’s chest. How the swallows are resting on top of his pecs, how the butterfly moves along with Harry’s six-pack when he breathes, how the laurels decorates his lower stomach. Louis takes a hand and strokes down, in awe over how fit Harry is, how toned and muscular he is. Louis suddenly surges forward and starts to kiss between Harry’s nipples. 

Harry thrusts down when Louis finds a nipple and starts to suck it. Harry locates the hem of Louis shirt and pulls it off before finding his lips again. 

Louis murmurs something that sounds like ‘bed’ and luckily Harry gets the drift and gets up. They just stare at each other for a moment, Harry standing over Louis, their cocks visible hard, both breathing loudly. Harry reaches out and drags Louis up and takes him to the bedroom. 

They haven’t spoken much, everything just seems to fall naturally, like they’ve been doing this for years. 

They just stand right inside the bedroom, just staring at each other before Louis drags Harry in for a kiss and reaches for his pants. He needs them off now. Harry gets the drift and reaches for Louis’ and pulls them down in one swift. Now they’re both naked and they’re checking each other out. Suddenly Louis loses all his inhibitions and jumps onto Harry, Harry catches him easily and stumbles towards the bed, still with his lips attached to Louis’.

Louis ends up on his back with Harry on top. They just lay there for a minute or two, just touching and kissing before Harry starts to thrusts his crotch down, his cock sliding alongside Louis’. Holy fuck, it’s amazing! They fall quickly into a steady rhythm and it doesn’t take long before both of them turns into panting, moaning, sweaty and complete wrecked out boys.

Having a cock sliding alongside his own cock is a completely new feeling, and it feels so god damn good. 

Louis knows he’s not far away from coming and he feels Harry’s not far away either. Harry takes one hand and engulfs both cocks and starts to jerk. 

They are both sweating and moaning loudly, kissing and they are just melting together. It’s the best feeling Louis’ ever had.

He can feel the heat pooling in his stomach and all he can muster up is a quiet ‘I’m coming’ and then he spills over his stomach and Harry’s hand. Harry follows suit right after and collapses on top of Louis. 

Harry looks up and looks into Louis eyes, probably looking for a sign of regret. He finds none. 

They still haven’t said anything, but now Harry tries to speak, but all he says is ‘Wow’. That makes Louis erupt in laughter and Harry can’t do anything else than to join him. 

Louis states that this must have rendered them both speechless because he doesn’t know what to say. 

Harry just giggles as he starts to remove himself of Louis. They’re both sticky with come and sweat, but neither of them seems to want to move. 

When Harry moves away his cock touches Louis’ slightly and he can feel it come to life. Jesus, he could go again! And a quick look at Harry’s cock tells him he can too. Good to know. 

Harry reaches over to the nightstand and pulls out some wipes. He doesn’t give any to Louis, but cleans himself off. Louis is about to complain, but before he can get a syllable out, Harry starts to lick up the mess from Louis’ stomach. 

Fucking fuck! Louis can’t believe what he’s seeing and pulls himself up so he’s resting on his elbows. His cock is fully hard in seconds. Harry’s licking and sucking his stomach while he’s looking up at Louis through is lashes and it the hottest thing Louis ever seen. 

Without a warning Harry licks a wide stripe on the underside of Louis cock and gets rewarded with a loud moan. Oh fuck. He starts to suck on the tip and moves slowly down Louis’ cock. He widens his tongue as he goes up and down, not taking it all in. He takes the cock out and flicks his tongue over the slit while looking up at Louis. 

Louis is a sweaty mess and has to concentrate really hard for not to shoot his load onto Harry’s face. 

Harry goes down again, this time the tip of Louis’ cock hits Harry’s throat. That makes Louis cry out and he can’t keep his eyes off Harry and how wrecked he looks. Harry’s red lips on his cock, saliva dripping out of Harry’s mouth, he looks perfect. 

Harry starts to suck faster and Louis can’t do much but look and moan. He feels he’s close and reaches out to pull Harry off. Harry doesn’t budge, keeps going and gives Louis a look that he just thinks means ‘come one’ and then he shoots down Harry’s throat. 

Harry pulls off, leaving a trace of semen and saliva between Louis cock and his mouth. Hot damn! Louis scrambles up and almost throws himself at Harry’s mouth. Harry catches him in a messy kiss. Louis can taste himself on Harry’s tongue and he can almost feel his cock filling back up. Fucking hell, he can’t go again. His cock is so sensitive, it needs a break. He needs a break. 

He reaches down to take Harry’s cock, but Harry swats him away. He frowns before Harry tells him he came untouched. Oh my. 

Louis kisses him again before getting up to drag Harry into the shower. 

They are both to tired and their cocks to sensitive to do anything else than wash each other and kiss. 

After a quick change of sheets, they fall onto the bed and into each other’s arms and lips. They kiss soft and slowly before both drifts of. 

 

Louis wakes up a couple of hours later. He has no idea what time it is, but neither of them has anywhere to be in the near future so he relaxes into his pillows. Harry is snoring lightly beside him and as he turns his head his chest bursts of pure happiness and love. He smiles to himself while taking in Harry’s naked body, the cover lost on the floor. Harry’s on his back, face turned towards Louis. His cock lays between his legs, all soft. Louis wants to taste. But he’s not going to do anything to Harry while he’s sleeping, that’s just wrong. So he wakes him up with a kiss and a thumb stroking over one of his nipples. 

Harry moans happily into the kiss and whispers a quiet ‘hi’. 

Louis just responds with a ‘mhm’ before he starts to kiss down Harry’s chin and neck. When he reaches Harry’s nipples he starts to suck and bite on one and twitches the other. Louis cock fills up really fast and he can feel Harry’s cock doing the same. He starts to rub against Harry’s cock, doing the same to Harry as Harry did to him, but it’s not in his plan to get them off like this. So he moves further down. 

He’s a bit nervous, but seeing how good Harry was, he can’t be worse. He decides he’s going to try and do what Harry did because that felt amazing. 

Louis takes a chance to look up at Harry. He sitting up on his elbows, pupils blown, mouth open and Louis just smirks. He reaches his destination and darts out his tongue to lick Harry’s slit. Harry falls back onto his pillows, a moaning mess. 

He starts slow, doesn’t know how much he can get in. It’s a weird feeling having a cock in his mouth. He starts to pull his mouth up and down, covering what he can’t fit in his mouth with his hand. 

He must be doing something right considering what kind of noises coming from Harry. Louis speeds up his sucking and licking and Harry cries out a warning before shooting into Louis mouth. Louis takes it and swallows. It doesn’t taste bad, salty, but nice. 

Harry is a mess where he’s lying with his arms stretched out, breathing loudly. 

Louis crawls up his body and aligns their faces. He didn’t come and hopes the press of his hard cock on Harry’s thigh will spur him into action. It does. Harry doesn’t hesitate to get his hand of Louis’ cock. Louis drops his head on Harry’s shoulder and it just takes a few tugs and he’s spilling over Harry’s thigh and hand. 

They still haven’t said much, it’s like they both know what the other wants or thinks without uttering a word. Louis thinks it’s just amazing. 

This time Louis sits up and wipes off the mess before cuddling into Harry for another nap. 

 

Next time he wakes up it is to Harry kissing his chest and he smiles as he reaches out to stroke Harry’s hair. Harry looks up and smiles back. 

Louis is kind of stunned when he feels his cock starting to fill up again. He still has no idea what time it is, but it’s dark outside so it’s at least night. 

Harry reaches down and tugs Louis’ cock a few times, but Louis has other plans so he drags him away. Harry pouts a little, but when Louis tells him he wants him to fuck him, Harry’s eyes widen and his mouth drops. Harry asks him if he’s sure and he is, he’s absolutely, 100% sure he wants this.

It looks like Harry has to compose himself a bit and it seems like he’s lost in thoughts. This gets Louis a bit nervous before asking if he doesn’t want to. 

Harry shakes himself out of his own thoughts, looks at Louis and tells him that it’s nothing more he wants, but it just took him by surprise. 

He then reaches over to his nightstand and pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom. 

Louis is nervous, it’s a big step, but he wants it so badly. It’s all he’s been thinking about when he’s been fucking himself with the vibrator. He tells Harry that and Harry can’t get situated between Louis legs fast enough. Louis just laugh, already feeling breathless. And he’s so turned on it feels like he’s going to explode.

Harry takes the lube and coats his fingers. He probably puts more on than necessary, but Louis doesn’t care, he wants this. He’s ready. 

When Harry takes his fingers and rubs along the outline of his hole, Louis startles. It’s cold. But it’s good. He huffs out a breath and tries to relax. Harry pushes one finger in slowly. It hurts, but he knows it will be good in the end. Harry’s finger is all in and he starts to move it in and out. It turns good fast and Louis feels he need more. Then Harry hits his spot and he cries out. There it is. Oh god. Harry adds one more finger and starts to scissor him open. Louis can feel the stretch. It’s pain and pleasure wrapped in together and he loves it. Harry starts to fuck him relentless with his fingers and suddenly he’s got three fingers inside Louis. Louis can’t believe how amazingly good this is. He twists and turns on the bed, moans and cries out that he’s ready. 

Harry pulls his fingers out and Louis clenches around nothing. He’s so hard and turned on it’s insane. 

Harry takes the condom and tear the wrapper of and pulls the condom on and coats it in lube. He gets into position and Louis can feel the tip of Harry’s cock against his hole. Harry is leaning over him, his hands placed on the bed beside Louis head. Louis stretches his neck up and claims Harry’s lips as Harry starts to push inside. They both groans into each other’s mouth at the sensation. Harry goes slow and Louis can feel the burning feeling of being stretched more open. When Harry’s all in he exhales and waits a moment for Louis to adjust before slowly pulling out. He goes slow a couple of times so he doesn’t hurt Louis. 

Louis just lies there and takes it. He’s brain is already fried from the sensation of having Harry inside him and he can’t think. Harry speeds up his thrusts a little and hits Louis’ spot every time he thrusts in. 

Louis has pulled his feet up and placed them around Harry’s lower back and presses down when Harry thrusts in. They find a rhythm and all that escapes their mouth are moans and stuttering attempts to tell the other how good it is. 

Without a warning Louis comes harder than ever and he clenches around Harry’s cock and that leads to Harry coming into the condom.

Fucking hell! 

Louis can’t move, he can’t talk, he almost can’t breathe. One look at Harry tells him he’s in a similar state. He hasn’t taken the condom of yet, but he has a stupid grin on his face that makes Louis’ heart beat faster. 

Harry opens his eyes and starts to take in the messy state they’re in and the mess of his bed. He groans and states they need a shower. 

Louis agrees and goes to get up. But ouch. His ass hurts and if it hurts like this now, he can just imagine how it will feel tomorrow. But it’s Harry that has put the hurt there so he’ll definitely survive and he’s definitely going to do this again. 

 

After another shower and another change of sheets their lying face to face, staring at each other. They still haven’t talked much and it should bother both of them, but it doesn’t. 

While lying there, Louis can see everything in Harry’s eyes. He can see their future. He can see a home, he can see a marriage, he can see kids, he can see them getting old and grey. He can see them coming out, strong and brave. Lying there he knows he’s found what he’s been looking for; he found happiness. And together they can take on the world. Together they can and will be the greatest team that the world has ever seen.

He gives Harry a soft and affectionate kiss.

“I love you”  
“I love you too”.

THE END!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this! Hope you liked it and will leave me a comment. Or a kudos. Or both :)


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